Catch me if I fall
by Chimebelle
Summary: Harmony was painful if you were an immortal, and Harry wanted to die. Unfortunately, nothing ever went as planned, and with two such strong wills clashing, things could only end in disaster. But when Xanxus promised Harry that if everything burned down to the ground, he would make sure they burned down together... Despite everything, Harry found herself believing.(MoD!HarryPotter)
1. Chapter 1

**Catch me if I fall**

 **Chapter 1**

 _From the empty streets of Italy, golden runes appeared etched on the stone floor, and a girl tumbled out._ _Black cloak pooled around her, and her clothes were pristine but for the white inner shirt that was torn over her heart and soaked with blood._

* * *

Harry shuddered, once, twice, and with gritted teeth forced her body up. Except she couldn't and so she settled for a half crouched position with one hand on the ground and pressed the other to her chest, only to feel mended flesh.

She panted heavily. The phantom pain in her chest ached terribly.

Green eyes quickly landed on the abandoned silver dagger lying next to her, its blade soaked with dark red blood and still pulsating with power.

She had failed to die.

 _Again._

All those sacrifices, the morals she had thrown away after all this time, the path she had taken that she just couldn't undo-

In a flash of temper, Harry grabbed for the dagger, to hurl it away, to take her frustration out on something. Except once her hand made contact with the dagger…

Pain worse than the Cruciatus wracked her ruined body.

Harry shrieked, her cry filled with pain and fear and regret.

And green eyes the same shade as the killing curse closed shut as she fell to the ground with a thud.

* * *

When Harry regained consciousness, it was to greasy hands stroking her cheeks with deceptively gentle fingers.

Her breath stilled.

"It seems our prisoner is awake. Hello, princess," said the smiling man next to her. "I'm curious. I assure you, I have never before felt such strange power- not flames, not quite- and this dagger, over there." He pointed to her cursed dagger, in a case of glass. "Quite the dangerous weapon, now isn't it?"

He tapped the leather restraints strapping her to the iron bed.

"I'll let you go if you tell," he teased lightly.

Liar. The man had no intention of letting her go.

Harry's lips stretched into a cruel smile.

"I don't take orders," her mind dived into his- "Antonio."

The man's eyes widened. He attempted to jump back, yelling for the others to clear out as well.

Harry tore through her binds with magic, and prepared another blast to kill them away. She needed to buy time. She had no idea where she was, and she'd prefer to be in a universe she had knowledge about, so she would take care of this quickly.

Except-

She felt her magic strain.

"Fuck," she hissed as she realized exactly what had happened.

The dagger. She had theorized that her magic that was linked with the hallows had been preventing her death, and she'd created it specifically to circumvent her own magic. She had thought she had only failed- but she'd actually partially succeeded.

Brilliant Harry Potter had managed to fuck things up again.

No death, and no magic as well?

Just seconds after her realization that her magic would be gone, her magic went haywire and snapped. As her magic broke, the sky flames she had worked so hard to keep down burst open like a dam breaking apart.

Sky flames danced around her.

No, no, no, no, no.. _._

 _No._

Not her flames. She couldn't lose control of her flames. She didn't want to Harmonize, not again, not anymore. Her sanity was as fragile as it already was, she knew she couldn't bear any more losses.

"A Sky?" someone shouted eagerly. It was as if they had all temporarily forgotten the fear they had felt due to her magic, drunk on her stupidly powerful Sky attraction. A different gleam entered their eyes, and Harry felt like throwing up.

Pressure built against her flames.

They were Storm flames, trying to force a bond with her. No. She-

But Harry's flames craved Harmony. It had been decades since the last bond, and Harry had only ever repressed it deeper and deeper into herself. Her flames didn't want to be stuck again.

Storm flames joined with Lightning, Sun, Rain, Mist…. All power hungry and greasy, and _Harry wanted out_.

Harry was never going to sit still and watch herself be destroyed again. She was never going to be attached to them, she would destroy them all before something like that would happen.

* * *

Xanxus had been on a simple clean up mission. A rather small mafia famiglia, newly formed, had been involving civilians in their mess.

When he arrived, he didn't expect to find such a powerful Sky harmonizing unwillingly with the famiglia's filthy members.

He pitied the girl, but had no use for weaklings who couldn't control their own Harmony. It was unfortunate, she probably had never been involved in her new famiglia's crimes, but would get punished along with them nonetheless. After all, she was their Sky.

But Xanxus saw something he'd never imagined was possible in front of his very eyes at that moment.

The Sky was rather small, looking to be about seventeen or so, with black hair and Sky-flame drenched eyes. But instead of breaking down or turning passive to her new Guardians after her bond, she turned to attacking her own self.

Breaking apart her own Sky flames into tiny splinters with her will alone. Will that showed how much she hated her bond, shown by denying her own instincts as a bonded Sky by harming her own Guardians.

Because by breaking her flames, she was also breaking the flames of her new-found Guardians in return.

They screamed and twitched under her, but the tiny slip of a girl showed no mercy. Her powerful Sky flames prevented her Guardians from attacking her in return, overwhelming them utterly despite the ordeal she was going through.

Xanxus drank up everything; the sight of her as she killed them, one by one, by tearing herself apart.

The Guardians were dead. And-

Cloud flames swirled around her, as if released by the breaking of the Sky. Green eyes glared at Xanxus, but her glare seemed to go right through him. He doubted she saw him. But her new flames were focused on his Sky, and it possessively twisted onto his.

It seemed as if it would force its way to a bond even if he rejected her flames. His face twisted into a pleased, vicious smirk, despite her terrible manners.

Smart girl, he thought, admiring, and let access to his own Sky.

She was powerful enough not to die instantly after such an ordeal, and she planned to protect her sanity and life by using him as an anchor.

And Xanxus would be lying if he said he was not taken in by her strength. _He wanted her._

The bond settled, and the girl passed out.

Xanxus picked her up.

* * *

Harry woke to strong arms holding her. She felt warm, _safe and at home._

Her eyes snapped open, fear filling her heart. She was… bonded? After all that struggle _not to,_ after breaking her own flames apart, and killing those who dared, exactly how had this happened?!

"Awake?" purred a deep voice next to her ear.

She caught a sight of feathers and red eyes, and felt hatred, deep utter hatred mixing with the feeling of home and safety.

 _Fuck._

* * *

 **AN: Truth is, when I wrote HMR I wanted it to be Xanxus/Harry, not that the story was focused on romance. Except Hibari decided to be involved. Now, failing that (not that I regret Hibari showing up) here's a new fic.**

 **The title was a toss up between With my last breath, Catch me if(when) I fall, and Unhinged.**

 **The updates will be random as it is with the rest of my stories. Thanks for reading, and review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Harry might have been new to Cloud flames, but flames were simple in the way that the key to controlling them lied merely in will.

And Harry had never lacked for will.

She hated him. She hated him with everything she had, for tying her up and binding her to him when in the end he'd leave her alone. He would abandon her in the end, like everyone that once filled her life, and she'd be all alone, again, like always, and it will hurt, _hurt, hurt_ \- and she wouldn't ever forgive the bastard for making her a promise bound in soul that he couldn't ever _follow through-_

Furious Storm flames rose to meet her Cloud, to face her off and bend to submission, but that hardly bothered her.

She wrapped her small hands tightly around his neck. Her hands were too small to do the job properly, but that didn't matter. Her flames could do the real choking, she was never good in the physical aspects of fighting anyways.

The Sky's bare neck was hot to the touch and the tanned skin flexed, struggled against her. And wasn't that lovely? He was struggling, and she was strangling him, smothering him as if she could snuff out his life with enough force.

Because she could. Just a few more seconds now- seconds, or was it minutes?

And yet every time her own flames brushed against his sky, she couldn't help but fall in love with him a little. She loved the feeling of being whole, of home and safety, empty lie as it was. When was the last time she felt this? Why did her heart feel like shattering to a million pieces? Everything was so heartbreakingly lovely and painful. And this _love_ she was feeling only fueled her desire to snuff out this Sky, to kill him before he could do anymore harm.

 _Everyone would be so disappointed in her. But that didn't matter, because they were all_ dead _._

She had to end this before she fell completely. And to be honest, to be completely honest-

Harry knew she'd already lost. But damned if she wasn't even going to try to spare herself a bit of pain.

(Because at least she didn't have memories of him yet. At least for now he was just _flames_ , but she knew this could change any moment once this Sky, this beautiful Sky opened his mouth or moved or gave her anything she could treasure him by.)

 _Harry loves. Harry hates._

But the man wasn't giving up.

Harry felt a bit plaintive over that. Why? Why wasn't he giving up?

He was still clinging, red eyes vivid, like spitting lava, and for the life of her, she couldn't understand why he was clinging onto his life so fiercely, so desperately.

But she was Harry fucking Potter, the unwilling Master of Death and nothing, nothing could hold a candle to her.

(It helped that this Sky was too furious, that his Storm overpowered his Sky, and the fury of the Storm was easier to resist than the home the Sky provided.)

This was nothing.

The struggle was there, but she was doing it. She was killing him. And soon he would be just another body count after so many.

He was ash-grey now, and now she only needed a small push to relieve him of his life. At least she was, except when she was about to snap that last fragile strand of his, she realized that there were several others entwined with his life.

He… he had other guardians.

...Of course he had other guardians, a powerful Sky like him. It was obvious as the sky was blue.

Could she doom them all? No. If she killed him, she would kill the rest of his guardians as well. It would be mercy killing, and they would be grateful, glad- they would be happy, even. They could die.

They could be _together forever._

 _Because Harry would give anything, anything to die just as this Sky would, just as his guardians would soon after…_

But ridiculously, the fact must have bothered her on some level. Because she had loosened her hold on him, enough so that the Sky could talk back at her.

"After using me to stabilize yourself, you've decided that you could simply kill me?" hissed the man under her. "So eager to entwine your flames to mine, but I suppose after seeing your actions I should have realized you were completely insane."

"…I, what?!"

 _She_ had tried to bond with _him_?

Horror filled her, and the hold she had on him vanished.

 _I forced a bond?_

Now free, but the Sky pressed closer to her. It didn't cross her mind that anyone normal would be running the other way, not trying to get closer to the would be murder just seconds ago.

"You didn't force a bond, trash," he replied harshly. "As if I would _let_ you. I accepted your flames and we went straight for Harmony."

She looked into his red eyes, furious yet steady. Truth. This man was telling the truth.

"I… I can't," she said, helplessly. "I can't. I can't." She was begging now. And tears gathered in her eyes.

"I can't Harmonize, it will destroy me."

She looked into his eyes, begging him to understand.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she said, trembling. She buried her head in her hands.

Then she peeked up from her huddle. "Can't you just die?" she pleaded, quietly.

The man's eyes narrowed.

"Can't you just die?" Her words picked up pace. "I'll kill your guardians too, so they won't be alone," she offered.

Quick as a striking snake, the man slammed his hands to her neck. She was the one choking now, but she didn't resist.

"You're crazy," he hissed, "If you think I'll let someone who threatened me and my guardians go freely, bonded to me or not."

His voice was sarcastic as it rang, "And here I thought you were powerful, worthy."

A ridicule, but she didn't care.

She choked, choked, and she felt her mind leaving her.

She wished with all her heart it was permanent, this time.

But she knew it never was.

* * *

The girl was dead. The absolutely insane trash, who bonded with him, who had the most powerful flames he'd ever seen including the Acrobalenos and the Ninth- and she was dead.

He would never admit it, but Xanxus was incredulous that he even managed to kill her.

It seemed impossible, because he was so embarrassingly outmatched. He'd never felt that helpless before, he had never _been_ that helpless before, not even when he first entered Vongola as a street rat who'd just recently realized who his father actually was.

But she hadn't resisted in the end.

Why hadn't she resisted?

Xanxus stood there, in front of her cooling corpse, and contemplated giving her a grave.

When he reached for her, still undecided, he flinched.

It was shallow, and uneven, but it was there. Her breathing.

His hands flew to the pulse point on her neck, and to his incredulity, there was a heartbeat.

Xanxus laughed.

Ridiculous, this was ridiculous. He'd killed her, he knew that. And yet she was alive.

 _"I can't Harmonize, it will destroy me."_

Intelligent red eyes thought of the impossible puzzle, but the path he would take was clear.

He made up his mind, and picked up the Cloud again.

She was dangerous, and undoubtedly insane. But she was his.

It was as simple as that.

* * *

 **AN: I wrote the entire chapter in present tense and later realized I wrote the first chapter in past tense. ㅠㅠ Also, I've never felt this guilty writing a character, but here it is. I almost feel sorry.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Squalo, Leviathan, Lussaria, even Mammon was waiting for him inside the Varia Headquarters. When he entered, their heads turned sharply, and some tenseness left their shoulders.

Lussaria spoke up first.

"False alarm, I suppose?" he said cheerfully, and threw a curious glance at the unfamiliar girl his Boss was holding.

Before Xanxus could answer, Squalo cut in.

"Boss, we all felt it." His voice was lower than what Xanxus was used to hearing, and serious. "What exactly happened?"

Squalo eyed the bruises on Xanxus's neck and at the girl in his arms warily.

"This is our new Cloud," said Xanxus gruffly. "Civilian, but powerful flames." He tossed the girl to his second in command.

"Make sure she doesn't wake up."

"She's the one who did that to you," said Squalo with a blank face. The only change in his expression was the narrowed eyes. "Was that before or after the bonding?"

Xanxus gave him a smile full of teeth as a reply.

"I trust you can keep one civilian under, Squalo."

He beckoned to his Sun. "Lussaria, heal my neck. I need to visit the Vongola main headquarters," he ordered. Quickly after Xanxus was certain the bruises could not be seen, he spun out the door. He had a certain _favor_ to ask his father.

* * *

"And here I thought you were of the opinion that such things were barbarous," said Iemitsu sarcastically from his seat next to the Ninth Vongola Boss. He was still angry from the last fight they had gotten into, the one that had involved his own son. 'Clear as crystal, this one,' thought Xanxus derisively.

"I still haven't changed my opinion, Iemitsu," drawled Xanxus from sitting languidly in his chair.

Xanxus had asked for a meeting with his father, the Ninth. Unfortunately, the CEDEF Boss had already been in the office, and his father hadn't seen fit to dismiss him.

Xanxus sneered. "I certainly am not looking forward to seal my own son due to my own incompetence."

Iemitsu bristled, and said derisively, "As if a man like _you_ can possibly understand the mind of a father."

"Xanxus, Iemitsu," said Nono firmly.

They both reeled in their tempers and fixed their expressions to something less aggressive.

"Of course I can teach you, Xanxus," said Nono placatingly. "I could do it myself, even. You know that."

Xanxus shook his head. "No. I wish to do this myself."

It wasn't his plan to seal the girl's Cloud flames entirely. That would be pointless; the girl needed to feel the bond between them and be used to it. She seemed to hate being bonded at the same time she welcomed it, and that disgust had to be alleviated. Only when he was certain she would not murder him and the rest of the guardians on the spot could he unseal her flames.

Because in order to unseal her flames, and he _would_ , she had to be his loyal officer. He needed her loyal to him. And he didn't want anyone other, even his father, touching her in any way.

...Call him possessive. He wouldn't deny it.

"I'd be... very eager to listen to your private instructions again, father. Like the old times." He smiled, hoping it would look somewhat bashful.

From the snort from Iemitsu and twitches from his father's Guardians, he probably wasn't very successful.

His father smiled warmly, "As would I." But his eyes were steel, probing for answers Xanxus was not willing to give him as of yet.

Not. Yet.

The smile he sent back in reply was probably as empty-hearted as his father's.

* * *

The first thing Harry noticed when she regained conciousness, was her flames.

Or rather, the _lack_ of them.

Oh, she felt a pulsating bond all right, connecting her to ... him, and the rest of his Guardians, a Rain, who was most prominent, and Sun, Lighting, and Mist. He was only missing a Storm. She just couldn't draw enough of her new Cloud flames so that she could utilize it as her weapon.

In short, she had all the downfalls of the flames and none of its perks.

Her entire body felt sluggish, weak. The hair at the back of her neck bristled. When she opened her eyes, she saw intense red watching her.

"What the hell did you do to me?" hissed Harry.

Her magical core was destroyed, yes. Her missing magic was utterly alien and she despised it, but that had been her own doing. But right now?

Even though she had stuffed away her flames in magic for so long, she had never felt this off balance or feel the innate sense of wrongness. The only thing she could feel were her thin bonds. She stuffed away the thoughts that told her that if she hadn't even had the small amount of connection, she would be in a very bad place feeling unsettled by her very own body.

She knew the answer even before he stated it.

"I've sealed it."

Silence filled the room.

Xanxus felt shivers on his back as the tension rose. But he did not even flinch, Harry would have given him points for that if she was in any other situation.

"...What, did you say?" Harry's voice was soft, but inlaid with steel.

The red eyed Sky gave her a deadpan expression. "Did you think I would let you free after what just happened?"

Harry scoffed. "You mean the way you would have pathetically withered and died underneath me?"

The Sky flexed his fingers, and his flames, the Sky ones brushed against her. "I've sealed it for the time being. Don't worry, it's only in part." The words were, should she dare say it, almost tender.

"I'm certain you feel our connection, no?"

"And the price of unsealing," Harry said shrewdly, "Does it come with a price tag that says, for example..."

She drifted off, her green eyes scanning his body from feet to head, finally landing on his vivid, red eyes.

"My unwavering loyalty?"

She said the word with much sarcasm as possible.

The Sky made a frustrated noise. Harry watched him, slightly amused, almost, like a cat toying with a bird just about to be killed for her entertainment. Technically, outwardly, she was the one with all the disadvantages.

But was that true, really?

Because what, exactly, did she have to fear? All her fears had already come true- she had nothing to lose now. And she was already feeling respect for this Sky who just shoved her into her own personal nightmare, tailored just especially for her.

Because she knew she had come off entirely insane in their first meeting. She ripped her own flames apart and killed her to-be Guardians, forced a bond with this Sky, attempted to kill said Sky and promised him to kill the rest of his Guardians.

Granted, she was under a very special circumstance and had been feeling very upset after her not-death, and had been filled with unbelievable amounts of pain from loss of magic and sky flames.

But it wasn't as if he _knew_ all that.

Yet he still wanted her. _Her._ The broken woman who was shattered into so many pieces; who was, in her own opinion, more at a loss of her own identity than even the stupid, soul splintering Tom Riddle.

"My name is Xanxus of Vongola, Head of Varia. And you, are the new Cloud officer- on trial."

Voice rang the small room, it was clear he was used to leading, it was clear he was used to being followed.

"Now, what is your name?"

Harry burst into harsh laughter. "My name?" She covered her hands in her mouth in an attempt to put off the insane giggle threatening to spill over her mouth. "After all you've already done to me, you ask me for my name now?"

True curiosity filled her. She tilted her head, asking, "Did you really think that I would tell you?"

 _And do you really want to know?_

The face of one Xanxus of Vongola grew cold. "I suppose you don't need your previous name anymore. True, it is a _useless_ thing."

If this was an attempt to hurt her, he was failing horribly, thought Harry with detatchedly.

"From now on, you are Lilith," he ordered. "Lilith of Vongola, _my_ Cloud. And nothing else." There was a cruel edge to his voice.

Harry burst into giggles, feeling hysterical. Why was this so hilarious? Really, this was funny, so funny and ridiculous... Lilith?

What an intuition.

He even had to give her a name that reminded her of the better years, memories so wonderful and precious that now, hurt her most.

Xanxus slammed the door behind him.

'Temper, temper,' thought Harry, and a new round of laughter grabbed her.

Her stomach hurt.

Tears gathered in the corner of her eyes and it rolled down her cheeks without her consent.

Why, why did everything have to hurt all so much?


End file.
